From Walking Trigger to Walking Medicine: A Sovereign Reclamation
For most of my life, I felt like I caused disruption just… by being in the room.
When people got close to me, especially quickly, things would start to shift for them.
They’d hit an emotional edge, confront an old wound, or face a truth they’d been avoiding.
And then one of two things would happen:
We’d either grow closer through it—or they’d disappear.
I’ve written before how I believed this made me a “walking trigger.” I carried that label with a mixture of guilt, confusion, and quiet self-blame. It felt like a curse. Like I was destined to be the reason people spiraled or backed away.
Even after my spiritual awakening, when I started to understand myself as a mirror and catalyst—someone whose energy naturally stirred truth in others—I still couldn’t shake the sense that my presence caused their suffering.
But recently, something big shifted for me.
And I want to share that shift—because I think it matters not just for me, but for anyone who’s ever felt like they were “too much,” too intense, too activating just by being who they are.
I realized: I am not a walking trigger.
I am walking MEDICINE.
And the difference isn’t just in the words—it’s in how I hold myself.
When I believed I was a trigger, I carried the weight of everyone’s reactions like they were my fault. If someone pulled away, shut down, or projected their pain onto me, I internalized it. It reinforced the quiet belief that my presence made people uncomfortable, and that their discomfort meant something was wrong with ME.
What I’ve come to understand is this:
Yes, my presence is catalytic. Yes, people often meet a mirror in me that brings their unprocessed stuff to the surface.
But I’m not the one creating their pain.
I didn’t write their backstory. I didn’t choose their storyline in this video game.
I offer the medicine—but it’s their choice whether they take it. And if they don’t? That’s not my failure.
That’s their SOVEREIGNTY. I get to HONOR their choice.
This shift has been huge for me.
It’s helped me release the grip of sorrow I used to feel when someone couldn’t meet me at the level I was ready to meet them.
It’s helped me stop blaming myself for people abandoning me, when what they were really doing was abandoning themselves.
And most importantly, it’s helped me trust that the medicine I carry is good. Even if it shakes someone up. Even if it isn’t sweet at first taste.
I do my best to deliver it with beauty—with pleasure, with play, with an open heart. Because I believe in pleasure as the gentlest, most playful pathway to spiritual mastery.
I’m no longer offering myself in exchange for love.
I’m offering truth—WITH love.
I extend my hand freely. Not to rescue. Not to convince. Not to demand. But to invite.
With desire, but no expectation.
With love, but no entanglement.
With medicine—and full respect for their free will.
That is the sovereign way.
And I’m here for it.
In sovereign pleasure,
Sharon
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